I've been horrible about blogging, but I need to start somewhere I suppose. The past few months for me have been a whirlwind to say the least. I went to England with my best friend on May 21-31st.
It was after my return back to the States I was told if I wanted to see my grandfather alive again, I needed to go home to Indiana. 4 days after being back I boarded a plane to go home and meet up with the rest of my family. I had a few visits with him, but it was hard for him to speak due to his esophageal cancer. It was really hard to say goodbye to him because I didn't know if I would ever see him alive again or not. I sobbed when I left the hospital as I watched him look deep into my eyes and look at my hands clasped inside his and wonder what must be going through his mind.
I returned back to Florida for a week and a half, and after hearing how much he was deteriorating, my sister and I decided to go home to be with him as he prepared to leave his earthly journey. I drove from 8pm to 10am (all through the night) because I wanted to be with him so badly. I wanted to be next to him, telling him I loved him, holding him when he needed comfort. I just wanted to be there, so I pushed myself.
When I got to his house I couldn't believe the huge change in his failing health. Grandpa was 180 pounds healthy and now he was just barely over 100. It was one of the most difficult things of my life to watch him suffer so much. I drove over to see him everyday to sit with him and tell him how much I loved him, and my favorite memories with him. Towards the end I couldn't help but let the tears fall from my cheeks as I put liquid on a sponge stick to moisten his mouth because he couldn't eat or drink anything. His clothes hung from every bone, but I couldn't help but be so grateful for this man whom the Lord allowed into my life, and allowed all of us to call him "grandpa". It was so obvious as I sat with him that he was in between two worlds. I know he was seeing lots of things, people etc. but grandpa never shared. On my last visit with him before he went nonresponsive, when i went to leave I sat down and held his hand and rubbed his arm and he raised up and at this point he could hardly speak at all and he looked right at me and said "I love you, I love you." His voice was a faint whisper and it took everything he had to whisper. That was the last thing he said to me. On June 30th he passed in peace. There was a real worry about the cancer rupturing his aorta, and if that had happened he would of had blood spewing out of his mouth, and would have bled to death. We all prayed so hard that wouldn't be the way our grandpa would go, and the Lord answered our fervent prayers.
His funeral was the most touching one I've been to so far. At the gave site we had someone playing the bagpipes (Amazing Grace) and they released doves to symbolize his spirit being free. Grandpa loved to fly and had about 5 ultra light planes of his own. He was in many flying clubs etc. So to honor grandpa about 10 of his close flying buddies flew over the grave site and let out smoke flying over head. I'm sure grandpa was smiling as we all gathered to honor him, and the man that he was.
How grateful I am for my parents, for the way they have brought me up to the Lord. I know where I came from, I know where I am going, and I have my amazing parents to thank for that. When life throws me troubles and woes, I know where I can go. I know where to turn, and that it all works out in the end. We have a master who loves us individually, and will hold us when we can't walk with our own feet. I don't always understand why things happen, but I know that the Lord is looking out for me in all I do. I'm thankful for his comfort and his friendship. I would be nothing without his love.
I'll share a song that was written by a christian artist and it seems as if he took the lyrics right out of my heart and put them to music... Give it a listen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doaHIOXIhH0
I'm back in Florida, and my bags are officially unpacked after more than a month on the go! :) In spite of rain, I'm learning to dance in the rain, and enjoy every minute.
