Circle of life

I've been horrible about blogging, but I need to start somewhere I suppose. The past few months for me have been a whirlwind to say the least. I went to England with my best friend on May 21-31st.

It was after my return back to the States I was told if I wanted to see my grandfather alive again, I needed to go home to Indiana. 4 days after being back I boarded a plane to go home and meet up with the rest of my family. I had a few visits with him, but it was hard for him to speak due to his esophageal cancer. It was really hard to say goodbye to him because I didn't know if I would ever see him alive again or not. I sobbed when I left the hospital as I watched him look deep into my eyes and look at my hands clasped inside his and wonder what must be going through his mind.

I returned back to Florida for a week and a half, and after hearing how much he was deteriorating, my sister and I decided to go home to be with him as he prepared to leave his earthly journey. I drove from 8pm to 10am (all through the night) because I wanted to be with him so badly. I wanted to be next to him, telling him I loved him, holding him when he needed comfort. I just wanted to be there, so I pushed myself.

When I got to his house I couldn't believe the huge change in his failing health. Grandpa was 180 pounds healthy and now he was just barely over 100. It was one of the most difficult things of my life to watch him suffer so much. I drove over to see him everyday to sit with him and tell him how much I loved him, and my favorite memories with him. Towards the end I couldn't help but let the tears fall from my cheeks as I put liquid on a sponge stick to moisten his mouth because he couldn't eat or drink anything. His clothes hung from every bone, but I couldn't help but be so grateful for this man whom the Lord allowed into my life, and allowed all of us to call him "grandpa". It was so obvious as I sat with him that he was in between two worlds. I know he was seeing lots of things, people etc. but grandpa never shared. On my last visit with him before he went nonresponsive, when i went to leave I sat down and held his hand and rubbed his arm and he raised up and at this point he could hardly speak at all and he looked right at me and said "I love you, I love you." His voice was a faint whisper and it took everything he had to whisper. That was the last thing he said to me. On June 30th he passed in peace. There was a real worry about the cancer rupturing his aorta, and if that had happened he would of had blood spewing out of his mouth, and would have bled to death. We all prayed so hard that wouldn't be the way our grandpa would go, and the Lord answered our fervent prayers.

His funeral was the most touching one I've been to so far. At the gave site we had someone playing the bagpipes (Amazing Grace) and they released doves to symbolize his spirit being free. Grandpa loved to fly and had about 5 ultra light planes of his own. He was in many flying clubs etc. So to honor grandpa about 10 of his close flying buddies flew over the grave site and let out smoke flying over head. I'm sure grandpa was smiling as we all gathered to honor him, and the man that he was.

How grateful I am for my parents, for the way they have brought me up to the Lord. I know where I came from, I know where I am going, and I have my amazing parents to thank for that. When life throws me troubles and woes, I know where I can go. I know where to turn, and that it all works out in the end. We have a master who loves us individually, and will hold us when we can't walk with our own feet. I don't always understand why things happen, but I know that the Lord is looking out for me in all I do. I'm thankful for his comfort and his friendship. I would be nothing without his love.
I'll share a song that was written by a christian artist and it seems as if he took the lyrics right out of my heart and put them to music... Give it a listen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doaHIOXIhH0

I'm back in Florida, and my bags are officially unpacked after more than a month on the go! :) In spite of rain, I'm learning to dance in the rain, and enjoy every minute.

Fun at the park!

It was an exceptionally beautiful day here in sunny Florida yesterday! I picked up my niece Gracie from school and we grabbed some lunch and ran home so she could be equiped with her dolls and buggy! :) What a great time we had enjoying each other and laughing at her crooked walking skills! --I love my nieces like they are my own!

Hit the dust cancer!

So Just an update---
Yesterday was my dad's three month check up with his cancer dr and he is CLEAR for another three months!! How exciting for my dad and the rest of us! My dad is such a trooper, and has such a positive outlook in life. I admire him and all the strength he has. He is so determined to rule over cancer and I just admire his strength. :) Great news for the Weaver Family!! YAY!

The Best of Both Worlds

So as I was watching the nieces today, we spent quality time watching Hannah Montana. I kept trying to look for something to grasp onto worth while.. I found an interesting parallel -- For those that aren't familiar, Hannah Montana is the 'rock star', but her real name is "Miley Cirus" and in this particular episode Miley gets tired of the people at her school treating her like nothing of any value due to a new celebrity attending her school. She can't believe how he is being treated like such a hero, when she too is a celebrity but no body knows. Then the thought came to me-- its funny they don't know how important she really is (starting to get really sucked into it by this point), and then I thought does anyone in the outside world really notice our real potential? People have to prove themselves before any of us realize or consider them of any significance. All of us have people that we think are so much better than us because of wealth, achievements, families, jobs, positions of leadership etc. When in all actuality they are just like us trying to achieve the same things.. We all have the power within ourselves to become what we want, and the only limitations we set on ourselves is us. We shouldn't idolize those around us, but they should inspire us into becoming all that we can. Haha -- who would have thought an episode of Hannah Montana could be so thought provoking HA!

2008 The Year of Growth

Upon turning 23, I thought I had a pretty good grasp of what life meant and what the world was like in a very real sense. This year I came to realize how very little I really knew. I think I’ve learned far more about myself and the world around me than any other year I’ve experienced thus far. Although this year seems to have flown by, I feel like I’ve learned many years worth of lessons.
I’ve experienced the pain and sorrow of seeing a loved one suffer from an illness, and wanting nothing more than to be home serving them, but no matter how hard I worked in school, the time would never be open. Later I would find that the Lord’s protective hand was involved so I would remain strong just as he needed me to be. I felt I was in the depths of despair In spite of amazing love and concern I felt from others. I found the only person who really can help comfort me is the savior. He lives; for I’ve felt his love embrace me and lift my head when I thought I wouldn’t have the strength to. I felt his empathy towards me in a very personal way. He held my shoulders up when I thought I would collapse to the floor. The atonement of Jesus Christ is not just for sinners, it is for everyone who encounters pain of any kind. The most important thing I’ve learned to implement in my life this year is the power of the atonement. A marvelous gift we’ve been given.
I’ve realized just when you think you know it all, the Lord whacks you over the head and tells you to wake up there are many lessons to learn. I know the Lord places astounding people in our lives at the very moment we need them, because he knows us, knows are needs, and has a grand plan for each us. When we think life can’t get any harder, look up and he will show us the reason for our momentary mountains of despair.
I would never wish what I’ve gone through this year on anyone else, but I know it was all for a purpose and I see how much I’ve grown from it. I’ve learned how my wings work on their own without the wind of my parents. I’ve learned that they cannot always be there for me, even when they want to be. Nevertheless, they have done the important part, and have showed me how to fly solo with the Lord. My parents are responsible for all I am, and I can never thank them enough for their role in my life.
I’ve learned how to live life to the fullest and how to love friends and family deeper. I have found how important it is to have friends of great faith. They knew the right times to call, the right times for smiles, and most importantly, the times for prayer. I could literally feel the power of their prayers, and I could go through the day because I knew I had divine help behind me. How thankful I am to my heavenly father for each one of my friends, and the unique beautiful color that each of them bring to the bouquet of my life.
I’m very blessed for all the many blessings I enjoy. I’ve been on tracks I never thought I would be on this year, but I’m thankful for the lessons I’ve learned from each. I love my friends and family, and am so thankful for the blessing they are in my life. What an awesome year it has been because of each of you! Each of you has influenced my life in a very powerful way. MERRY CHRISTMAS and CHEERS to a new year of growth and opportunity.